


When you are gone

by sash4kyu (emotional_fool)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baekhera, Best Friends, KaiBaek - Freeform, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, Mentioned Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Mentioned Oh Sehun, Musician Park Chanyeol, baekhyun and zhera, friends to strangers, sechan - Freeform, sehun and chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26251294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotional_fool/pseuds/sash4kyu
Summary: 'How can Baekhyun ask Chanyeol to choose him over the latter's dream? But how can Baekhyun live without Chanyeol too?'All baekhyun could say was a quiet "good luck" to chanyeol's retreating back. How could he stop the other from chasing his dreams even if it meant being away from the one he loved.Chanyeol never knew what he was leaving behind.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 18
Kudos: 15





	1. Goodbyes are always hard

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted as a tweetfic and hence the writing style is a bit off, rushed and might seem incomplete in between but I think there are no major gaps in the story but if you are still confused, drop a comment. 
> 
> Epilogue is yet to be added - I will wait for the response first.
> 
> [Edit] Epilogue is now available. Story is officially complete now.

"You should have told him, Baekhyun"   
  
"And what!! Asked him instead to forget his lifelong dream so that he hates me for the rest of my life!"   
  
All Baekhyun could say was a quiet "good luck" as Chanyeol steps away from the warm embrace towards a life he dreamed of since young.   
  
A life they both dreamed of for chanyeol when young.   
  
But along the way Baekhyun's dream shifted its focus to entirely chanyeol.When chanyeol used to tell baekhyun of all the things he would get to do in the city he used to hype it up for the younger.   
  
Baekhyun accompanied chanyeol every time he went out to buy a new instrument.   
  
Baekhyun sat next to chanyeol and sang his heart out as chanyeol checked the chords of his new guitar, the sound of his keyboard, the strength of his drum beats.   
  
Baekhyun was always there.   
  
So standing there on the roadside all alone as his best friend leaves him behind stings.   
  
What stings even more is how chanyeol asked him to go with him and Baekhyun said no.   
  
He had noticed the way Chanyeol had become distant after that talk.   
  
How chanyeol never looked at him straight after that day.   
  
How chanyeol booked his flight for 2 weeks before he was supposed to go.

"I want you", baekhyun chokes up through his confession. A lone tear travels down his face and as if a spell has been broken, the tears don't stop.

His chest hurts, a loud sob rises up and a strangled noise emerges out of him.

Everything hurts. His vision blurred, his throat parched, heartbeat so fast and loud in his ears that he feels like he will explode from inside in the next moment.

He wants to scream but no sound seems to come out of him.

Chanyeol is leaving.

Baekhyun wished he could say the words sooner.

"I want you, chanyeol ah"

Baekhyun says to the lonely street as chanyeol's car speeds away from him, now a blur in the distance and eventually disappears around a corner.

"I want you", he repeats to the stilled air.

  
  


🔸️

6 months later

'I am dating someone' chanyeol had messaged suddenly one day.

They had been talking normally after a month of silence following chanyeol's leave.

The first time they had talked over the phone was awkward. A lot more pauses than actual words.

Baekhyun had felt like he was talking to a stranger.

It took another one month for them to sound like the best friends they were.

Baekhyun had wanted to tell chanyeol the truth countless times but always ended up saying "i miss you" instead

Chanyeol had paused mid sentence the first time Baekhyun let those words slip, igniting a spark of hope inside baekhyun's heart.

Chanyeol had responded with a curt 'talk to you later' breaking the other's heart nth time without probably even knowing.

Only a week into it and chanyeol started saying it back without meaning to.

Baekhyun's heart lurched at those words. A silly smile adorning his face for the rest of the day.

🔸️

Chanyeol's birthday was next month and Baekhyun had, after a lot of thought, decided to let his heart guide him and visit chanyeol at the city.

He had worked double shifts for the past one week in order to get a week off later next month.

For the first time, Baekhyun had let himself hope; had let his heart open; had shown vulnerability.

Maybe that's why it was inevitable for him to get hurt.

Mornings had always been his favourite time of the day. The moment he opens his eyes after a beautiful dream; a dream in which chanyeol never left; in which they were together and happily in love.

Baekhyun loved opening his eyes with the flashes of those beautiful moments still running inside his head.

He was particularly elated that day. His dream, something about celebrating chanyeol's birthday, was the cause of it.

So when he started his day with chanyeol's unexpected message with only one sentence, Baekhyun felt like a part of him was cut out from him rather ruthlessly.

What followed it was not pain or hurt or even tears but a kind of numbness that took over his whole being. He had no idea, for how long he sat there in his bed, his phone tightly clutched in his palm or when he got up and left for work or when he came back late in the night.

Baekhyun does not know if it was the next day or next week when jongdae cornered him at the cafe early morning demanding to know what was up with him.

Baekhyun had tried to brush off his friend's enquiries as casually as possible.

But jongdae was known to be persistent.

"Have you booked your tickets for next month?" Jongdae tries to extract info out of baekhyun the other way.

"No need now" baekhyun gets up to leave when his friend blocked his path; his expression stern - which is rare for his ever mischievous vibe - and baekhyun gathered he wouldn't be able to leave without explaining.

With a sigh baekhyun explains to him about how he wouldn't be going bcuz 'what's the point now, dae. He has someone there. And I am not strong enough to watch that.'

"What do you mean he has someone there?" Jongdae had half screamed half gasped, garnering unnecessary attention to them.

Baekhyun had hissed at his outburst before dragging him out of the bustling cafe and into the street.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Sorry sorry. But what do you mean by that baekhyun ah?"

"He texted me he was seeing someone."

"Wtf. Who?"

"I don't know."

"What? You didn't ask? He didn't tell you?"

Baekhyun looks around avoiding jongdae's gaze and possibly the unchecked tears that he has become accustomed with now.

"We have not talked since then" he mutters quietly and jongdae is able to catch his words only because he was standing too close to him.

"I seriously don't get you two. So he texted you that he was dating now and then what, went MIA. Is he even real?"

Baekhyun would be lying if he said he didn't have the same thought.

Why would Chanyeol tell him and then go into this silence. It was not like before where they would tell each other every single minute detail of their lives to each other.

Now they even went without talking for weeks. Chanyeol never once asked him what he was upto and neither did Baekhyun.

So what forced the other to tell him this particular detail out of blue. If Baekhyun had not known better he would say Chanyeol was trying to hurt him by telling him about this.

But chanyeol wouldn't do that. Why would he? He was blissfully unaware of baek

hyun's feelings for him.

He gives a resigned smile to jongdae as if saying 'he is ok' and turns around to leave.

"You need to move on, Baekhyunnie"

Baekhyun does not respond to it, neither he turns back. He keeps going as if not hearing the words.

Move on - he wishes he could do that.

🔸️

Do you know that feeling of joy and blessed surprise when something that you had no hopes of happening chimes its arrival suddenly.

Something that had failed you previously does not let you down this time.

When you allow yourself to do something you have lost faith in. The feeling that swells your heart at learning that your second round of belief is not turned away with dismissal.

That's how Baekhyun feels.

Giving another chance to love.

Even when the dull ache of the first time still resides deep inside of him.

It was the end of February; spring almost around the corner; the cold blanket of winter melting away gradually replaced by the blooming flowers of pink and yellow.

It appeared as a sign when Jongin, Jongdae's brother and 2 years younger than him asked Baekhyun on a date and he agreed. Maybe it was finally time to wake up to a different reality.

A reality in which Jongin's smiles warmed baekhyun's cold heart. 

A reality in which Baekhyun teased jongin about his never ending crush on the older one since his high school days.

A reality in which Jongdae pretended to be annoyed by his best friend and brother clinging to each other and being in love like fools.

A reality in which baekhyun ignored his best friend's stern looks whenever something reminded him of the ghost of his past.

Baekhyun tried to fill the hollowness inside of his heart with jongin's warm smiles, his playful whines, his teasing smirks, his rushed hands finding baekhyun's weak spots, his lean back fitting perfectly against baekhyun's sturdy chest.

Tried did he but failed at it miserably.

🔸️

It was the 1st of May, which officially marked the beginning of his birthday week and Baekhyun knew that Jongin was planning something. He would give it to the younger for keeping it a secret even if Baekhyun suspected him some days because of all those secretive smiles and extra cuddling. But the younger should never have trusted his brother to keep mum.

It was not even intentional. Jongdae had just blurted out something about the party and although to others it might have escaped undetected but not to Baekhyun. In his favour he pretended to not catch the slip but Jongdae knew baekhyun as well as the latter knew him. So without really saying something, Jongdae kept pleading with him with wide eyes to not tell Jongin about his blunder.

Which led Baekhyun to play coy to all the slip ups Jongin kept doing while preparing for this surprise party.

  
  


As Jongdae finally leaves, a little tipsy but still standing on his own, trash bag in his hand and a silly smile on his face, Baekhyun gets a little emotional at how his friend had stood by him at his lowest. Maybe it is all the alcohol that is making him this mushy but a tear rolls down his face and he does nothing to wipe it away. He didn’t have to. Jongin silently slides in front of him and with warm careful fingers dries the dampness away.

It is almost philosophical how Jongin in real entered his life and wiped all the dampness away or at least did to the most level.

Some scars are too deep to be easily healed. Or maybe it is Baekhyun who does not want to heal them. But tonight is not about his scars and sorrows and past. Today is about them - him and Jongin. Jongin who went out of his way to make Baekhyun happy. Jongin, who celebrated baekhyun’s birthday like it was some kind of a festival.

Jongn who made love to him till the wee hours of the morning.

Jongin, in whose embrace Baekhyun loses himself.

  
  


Something wakes Baekhyun and he is not sure what it is. It feels like he had just closed his eyes a moment ago. And it could be very well true based on their night time activities. Jongin had been extra clingy but hey baekhyun is not complaining. It felt good to be held like that. To be the center of someone's whole attention. To be loved like jongin's life depended on it. It felt good to be the one receiving the love instead of just giving it to someone who had no idea about it in the least.

A buzzing sound later once again and Baekhyun realizes what woke him up. The phone on his bedside table is vibrating. The wood top produced that irritating voice that pulled him out of his deep slumber. Right beside the lit up phone is the table clock and it says 5 am. Who would be stupid enough to call him this early. He knows it's his birthday and wishes would be pouring in the whole day but 5 am...really!!

As soon as baekhyun turns to get the phone it stops ringing. Thinking that he would look who it was later on, Baekhyun turns to snuggle back and notices how Jongin is still sleeping like a log; something that pulls out a sweet smile from him.

Baekhyun is about to lay down when the phone is ringing again for the nth time and this time he does not take a second less before snatching the phone from the table. His feet were about to touch the ground, ready to leave the room to talk to whoever thought 5 am was a good time to give him a call when a look at the caller id had him freezing on his spot.

For a second, Baekhyun has half a mind to reject the call but before he could linger on that thought any further his fingers are already sliding across the green sign connecting the call.

  
  


"Baekhyunnie...baekhyunnie!!!" The voice of the other has baekhyun already choking back sobs and it has not even been a second but baekhyun remains quiet...not saying anything where in reality he does not know what to say. "I know you are there...i can hear your silence", and just like that Baekhyun lets out the breath he was holding and a strange noise escapes him. Suddenly anger overcomes him and he is spitting the words without even knowing what he is saying.

"What do you want?", Baekhyun is so angry that he doesn't even notice the waver in his own voice, the tears that run uncheck down his face, the way he is grabbing the edge of the bed in a death grip. He does not want to turn around; does not want to see if he woke up jongin; does not want to face his questioning or worst disappointing look. Baekhyun just wants everything to stop. Why do Chanyeol do this to him? Why does he knock on his door whenever baekhyun is trying to move on? How many more times is he gonna break baekhyun's heart? Why he disappears for months and suddenly appears one day out of the blue like nothing is wrong, like everything is okay between them, like they are still living in the past. Why?

"Happy birth-"

Baekhyun ended the call before chanyeol could finish.

  
  
  


🔸️

  
  


A month later Jongin and Baekhyun break up.

"Jongin -"

"Don't say anything. I knew it all along that we wouldn't last. A blind person could see how much still in love you're with Chanyeol. I am just glad you gave me a chance. It made me realize that maybe you are not the one for me."

Jongin says the last part a little cheekily, trying to bring out a smile on Baekhyun's face.

"Jongin…" Baekhyun halts once again not knowing what to say. What exactly he could say. He is breaking the younger's heart but still Jongin is trying to cheer him up.

"I do love you. Please don't think even for a second that I don't. Yo-``Baekhyun swallows back his tears that threaten to spill and gathering his courage lets out the words he needs to say before it's too late; "You made the last few months the most beautiful for me. I don't know where I would be and what I would be doing if not for you. You were like an anchor who kept me together without fail. You are the most amazing person I have ever met in my life and that is the reason I don't deserve you."

"Baekhyun, no-"

"No. Please let me say it. You need a person who will love you completely. Who will give themselves to you without something holding them back. You deserve that much. Not me who is broken and selfish and could never be truly completely yours."

With that Baekhyun let the tears slip. Not trying to stop them anymore. It has been too long he has been keeping these feelings, these thoughts to himself and finally letting them out is like a weight lifting off his chest. He feels like he could breathe again now.

Jongin holds him throughout his breakdown; making soothing circles on his back; hugging baekhyun close to his heart and drops a kiss on his head every then and now.

The way Jongin is holding him makes baekhyun feel guilty. He knows he does not deserve this. But for one last moment he wants to be selfish. One last time he wants to etch Jongin's love inside himself where it will always remain as a warm presence.

They stay like that for a while where eventually Jongdae finds them and then all three of them hug each other before they drag baekhyun to his home.

🔸️

It is mid July and the heat is almost unbearable. Baekhyun is grumbling about it non stop and jongdae has tuned him out after just half a second into his monologue.

They are picking up music cds from a store. Till now they both have only argued and have not been able to decide on any one album they both find the best for the occasion.

All the ones Jongdae had chosen by far were the worst and Baekhyun suspects if he is doing it on purpose but then he thinks about why they are here and no Jongdae can't be that mean of a brother.

Jongin is getting married in the first week of August. There is almost no time left and so much to prepare and so everybody is roped up into preparations. From family to friends.

Baekhyun had been here since Day - 1 and is sure Jongdae would be pulling his hair if left alone. 

"I think this one will fit, don't you think", Jongdae siddles along him and hands him the album. Baekhyunnis not familiar with the artist but one song catches his eyes. It is the one Chanyeol used to sing all the time and Baekhyun is sure Jongdae knows that so why…..

Baekhyun looked sideways at the said man and just like he predicted, Jongdae looked at him with a guarded expression. 

"It is good. Let's grab it and show it to others." 

Clearly that was not what Jongdae was expecting and his wide eyes are indication enough.

"But baekh-"

"But what!" Baekhyun is not screaming; his voice was not even loud enough but something must have shown on his face because Jongdae suddenly looks scared.

"I am sorry. Let's pick another one." He says as a form of apology.

"No. This is good and we have been here for long enough. Let's just get this one."

Baekhyun was expecting an argument or maybe a resigned approval but not what Jongdae said next.

"Are you okay with this wedding?"

The shock must be apparent on his face because Jongdae is rushing to clarify how he meant nothing bad.

"It is just that isn't it too soon. It is too soon even for me. You guys just broke up not even a month ago."

"More than a month ago actually" baekhyun corrects him but does not say anything else.

"You know what I mean. Everything is going too soon. And even though I was not dreaming about you two getting back together or anything but getting married so soon is just so...idk absurd."

"Kyungsoo is a good man, Jongdae. He loves Jongin like no one else had and i don't think anyone else ever would. It is a good thing Jongin feels the same. And don't you forget that I was the one who convinced Jongin to think about kyungsoo's proposal. God knows both you brothers would have come up with god knows what panicked course of action." Baekhyun says with a roll of his eyes.

"So to answer your question. No absolutely not. I do not have any problem with this wedding. It is in fact totally the opposite of that. I am so happy for both of them. They look so in love and it is so beautiful to see them getting together. I am happy for jongin. You know that I am."

And jongdae just nods. Because of course he knows that. He is just worried about his best friend.

  
  


They are at the threshold and the door is about to shut behind them when a new song starts playing at the shop and Baekhyun would recognize THAT voice anywhere, anytime. He looks up towards Jongdae and his equally stunned expression is all the proof Baekhyun needs to figure out that he is not dreaming that it indeed was Chanyeol's voice.

As one they both tumble into the shop again and ask the girl behind the counter what song this is playing and who the artist is. She in return looks at them like they have another head grown and are speaking an alien language. After a moment she slides a copy of an album across the counter and Baekhyun looks at chanyeol's face along with another boy on the cover and his breath hitches. Beside him Jongdae is gaping and murmuring 'holy shit' under his breath. Baekhyin pays for the album and grabs it.

Just then a group of teen girls enter the shop and Baekhyun doesn't want to eavesdrop but they are so loud and when one of them shouts chanyeol's name, he can't help but listen on.

It is only after one of them says that there have been rumours of chanyeol dating the other boy, sehoon(?), that baekhyun finds his feet and rushes out of the shop.

He is panting, his eyes are pricking and his hands wouldn't stop shaking but he is still clutching the album tightly in his hands. He does not even know why he bought it.

Jongdae is beside him and baekhyun realizes with a start that he is leaning most of his weight on the other and that jongdae is saying something but all baekhyun could hear is chanyeol's deep voice singing about a fine line between a friend and a lover and then the voices of those girls saying how he is dating the other guy.

  
  
  


🔸️

“Baekhyun!”

“Hm”

“Chanyeol is not dating that guy. It is just a rumour.” Jongdae is saying as if he is talking about the weather. Baekhyun simply smiles at his friend’s lack of subtlety.

“Jongdae, I did not ask anything.” And true Baekhyun has no desire to know about Chanyeol or what he is up to.

“I know but I also knew you wanted to know and wouldn’t ask even if your life depended on it. As if it will make you appear weak or something.”

Baekhyun simply stares at Jongdae, who stares back for a minute before looking away sheepishly. Satisfied Baekhyun continues sifting through his file from work.

“Baekhyun-“, Jongdae is nudging at him again not even a minute later.

And Baekhyun had had enough. He really appreciated his friend’s concern but really at this moment he does not want to do anything with Chanyeol. He belatedly knows that this indifference is a sign of his anger but contrary to what Jongdae might believe the reason behind his anger is not what Jongdae suspects.

Baekhyun is angry and even more so upset and disappointed by the fact that he got to know about Chanyeol’s album like this. That Chanyeol has made him so much of an outsider that he didn’t even feel like telling baekhyun such big news.

As if Chanyeol’s dreams were his own. As if Baekhyun had not spent a large part of his life chasing Chanyeol’s dreams along with him. As if Baekhyun did not give up his happiness only for chanyeol to achieve his dreams.

Maybe it was his fault. It was partly Baekhyun’s doing too. He was the one who cut off any communication with Chanyeol after his birthday. The other had left so many messages which Baekhyun left unanswered. So many calls that Baekhyun rejected. But he had a reason. Baekhyun was already going through a rough time. He was taking another difficult decision of his life – splitting from jongin. At that time, Baekhyun did not need Chanyeol to take a front seat. He did not want to hope again only for it to crash badly later. So he did the only thing he could think of. Cut off Chanyeol completely.

Baekhyun is heartbroken.

He is not even sad about Chanyeol dating that extremely handsome guy. No. Baekhyun had lost all hope of ever being at the receiving end of Chanyeol’s love long ago.

“Chanyeol signed with a huge label last year. He even writes and composes a lot of songs. He is doing well. His album is no.1 on many charts.”

Jongdae continues without gauging change in baekhyun’s expression so is completely surprised when the other hisses at him to stop.

“Please Jongdae. I don’t wanna hear about him. He means nothing to me as I mean nothing to him. And why are you so interested in him and what he is doing with his life. He didn’t tell us anything about what’s going on in his life. We are nothing to him. I bet he does not even remember us.”

Baekhyun knows he is not being fair to Jongdae by lashing out on him like this. Jongdae has been nothing but supportive to him. But right now Baekhyun is feeling things he does not want to feel. It is like Chanyeol leaving all over again. Most of all he is angry at himself for still getting so affected by Chanyeol. Even after all this time.

Baekhyun gives Jongdae one last look which he hopes conveys his apology for his earlier behaviour well and leaves.

  
  
  


🔸️

  
  
  


(2 years later)

Baekhyun feels like a clown. Dressed to impress the people who he has not met in years sans his immediate family and a couple of friends. It is ridiculous. He wanted a small affair and when his mother accepted that request of his, he hoped to see only a handful of attendees not THIS. This hall is full of people who have plastered a fake smile for him as if they were not the ones who had been giving his parents shit for years now.

But guess that's the reason why his mother invited them. To shut them up. That 'no, nothing is wrong with her son. He is finally getting married after all'.

"Why did you think it was a good idea to marry in the fuckin middle of July. I swear to god I will melt before you say your vows in this tailored suit." Jongdae, his best man hissed in his ear all the while flashing cheshire grins to girls giggling at him.

Probably his dumb cousins, baekhyun thinks to himself.

"I wish I had the freedom to drop dead too. This is getting ridiculous. Tell me again why I thought this was a good idea?"

"Wedding in general or wedding as a form of this circus?" Jongdae quizzes him instantly. Baekhyun suspects his best friend is rather enjoying at his cost quite a lot. That bastard.

Before Baekhyun could argue with his best man, a hush fell over the hall. All eyes turned to the entrance as music started playing. A smile blossoms on Baekhyun's face replacing his previous expression of distaste. A warm feeling spread through his body as the person for whom Baekhyun agreed to go through this ordeal entered the hall.

Dressed in white, it feels like an angel from heaven has stepped down in this world undeserving of such beauty. Baekhyun still feels undeserving of such a person but he has stopped questioning it now.

Hyera gives him a full blown smile and Baekhyun is unable to stop grinning too. He still cannot believe there was a time when he had said 'No' to her. But she is insistent and so is his mother.

When Mrs Byun realized that Baekhyun would never marry if left up to him. She took matters in her own hands. She kept introducing baekhyun to girls even when she was well aware everytime his answer would be no.

And then came Hyera with her sassy jokes and cheeky smiles. Baekhyun had admitted to himself she was different and he had rather enjoyed her company. But still he rejected her.

She was not the one to accept 'no' easily though. Which led to a joint operations arranged by her and baekhyun's mother in saving baekhyun from his stupid self.

It didn't take long for him to come around. He was aware that he needed someone in his life. As a friend, a companion and Hyera was fun. Slowly and gradually Baekhyun had started liking her enough to think of spending the rest of his life with her without having a panic attack.

  
  


Jongdae is being annoying by murmuring cheesy songs in his ear and Baekhyun is having a hard time not to snicker or smack him in the face. He needs to etch this moment in his memory.

  
  


Like everyone else in the room, Baekhyun's whole focus is on the bride but a sudden moment from the corner of his eye catches baekhyun's attention.

He stole a quick glance towards the side exit and back to hyera and it takes only a second before the smile slips off his face. He unconsciously clutches his hands into a tight fist. He does not want to look but his mind betrayed him and suddenly he is looking at a face he has not looked at this close in the past three years or maybe more. 

Chanyeol is still shuffling to get around; his long limbs bumping into chairs and people alike. He has not yet spotted Baekhyun and maybe he jinxed it because the moment that thought crossed Baekhyun's mind, Chanyeol looked up straight at him and then everything ceased to exist.

It is like they are the only ones in this moment. There is no one else here. No friends, family, strangers, a bride, a groom. No one. Baekhyun feels like he himself is not here and the one standing on the aisle is someone else and he is observing this from above..from some other dimension. Baekhyun refuses to believe this is happening and that too now. Now when he has finally moved on. Now when he has admitted to himself that he can live a happy life with someone else. Now that baekhyun is only moments away from marrying that person. No not now.

Baekhyun does not know for how long they both stood frozen on their spot; their eyes, unblinking, locked on each other; their breaths held in in fear of breaking this moment. 

But a mild pain shoots up his arm and he is jostled out of his dream, because it must be a dream and cannot be real. He realizes that Jongdae is pinching him hard and then Baekhyun finally takes off his eyes from Chanyeol and looks in front of him. Hyera is standing there with a stiff smile on her face. Her dad offers her hand to him with a confused expression and baekhyun starts to panic. One more hard pinch and baekhyun is moving on auto pilot to hold Hyera's hands in his shivering ones.

She is questioning his behaviour with her eyes and Baekhyun finds it hard to look at her. He almost forgets to breathe when he feels a looming presence beside jongdae. And he realizes with a start what chanyeol was wearing. Best man black suit with blue shirt underneath. Baekhyun wants to kick Jongdae so hard right now. What was he thinking inviting him to baekhyun's wedding? A warm hand traces a pattern on to his back and is gone a second later. Jongdae is telling him to breathe quietly and he is not sure if he should thank him or punch him.

Baekhyun can feel stares from both sides. And he wants the ground to just swallow him whole this very second. He cannot do this. No he cannot. He thought he could but not with chanyeol mere two steps away from him. What is he even doing here? Why is he here? And why is he staring at him? Baekhyun is not sure what the priest is saying but Hyera is now turning to face him and he does the same without thinking and maybe he should have because now she is looking straight at him with a sad expression. Maybe she knows what Baekhyun himself does not admit. She is not stopping it though. And it does not take baekhyun longer to realize what she is doing; what she is waiting for. She wants Baekhyun to do it but can he? In front of his parents and all these people. And what would he even say about why he is doing that.

Hyera is saying her 'I do' and she sounds so broken and all baekhyun can think of is - this is not how he pictured this moment. She should not sound so broken. She should be happy. She deserves all the happiness in the world. But if she is already this sad now what will be their life if they end up marrying.

With these thoughts running in his head, Baekhyun hears his name called to say his 'I do' and they have rehearsed this countless times for baekhyun to recite it purely from memory but he should have known that nothing is going according to plan today, so this must not as well.

"I, baekhyun, take Chanyeol as my-"

There is a loud shuffling to his right and a very loud sigh to his left. The priest is looking at him with wide eyes. Baekhyun goes through the words he just uttered in his head once again and it comes to him slowly what he had just said.

There is a hand grabbing him and he thought for a second it was Jongdae or maybe chanyeol or his mother, possibly to yell at him. But it is Hyera and she is dragging him towards the side exit. People are talking now. Some in whispers and some loudly. He can't look at them though. He doesn't know what he will see in their expression. Disgust, disappointment, smugness. He wants to apologize to his parents but he is cowardly enough to not raise his head as Hyera drags him outside into a room backstage with a tight hold on his elbow. He is unable to look at her face, not knowing what she is thinking or how she is feeling. It is inevitable that she would be angry and disappointed with him. Baekhyun is all that with himself too. He realizes belatedly how two sets of feet shuffling behind them stops as Hyera closes the door behind them. He can hear Chayeol's loud protests and Jongdae struggles to keep him at bay. He wants to listen more but then Hyera is clearing her throat and Baekhyun tunes out the voices of those outside and gives his full attention to the one whose heart he just broke moments ago.

  
  


"You still love him", it is not a question or even an accusation. She is just stating the truth; the truth that burns Baekhyun's inside. He is unsure how it does not Hyera's. She should be angry, should be throwing things at him, screaming at him, hitting him. But she does nothing of that sort. She just keeps looking at him after this one statement. And Baekhyun belatedly realizes that maybe she is waiting for him to say something. He should, at least now he should. She deserves an explanation. However, Baekhyun has no idea what to say to her. It is not like he was planning to not marry her, or planning to say the wrong name in his vows. He wonders if Chanyeol had not arrived, would he have been married by now?

"I-I don't k...I am sorry", Baekhyun falls on the chair with a thump; face in his hands and gets a sudden urge to cry but unsure if he even deserves that kind of relief after what he put everyone through. 

Baekhyun Hears Hyera saying something but his thoughts were so loud in his head that he thinks he missed hearing it correctly. Something that vaguely sounds like "I called…" and it does not make any sense to him. At least not until her next words.

"Technically Jongdae did but I asked him."

In his head, Baekhyun knows what this implies but he is too stunned to react or comprehend.

_ She called him. She knew. She planned this. She did this. She knew Baekhyun would react this way or maybe suspected it that's why. _

It's only when Hyera is speaking again that Baehyun realizes that his feelings and the plethora of questions racing in his mind must be visible on his face for her to pick up on it.

"I really like you, Baekhyun. There is not an ounce of doubt in it. I still like you. Even after what happened because it was never unknown to me and to many of the people present out there. Maybe I tried to ignore it in hopes that if I don't acknowledge it, it will become untrue and just a figment of my imagination."

Baekhyun wants to interject her; he wants to protest but he knows she is only telling the truth. There is no point in denying it anymore. He wishes to apologize but Hyera does not give him any chance as she continues to pour out her emotions and thoughts. Baekhyun lets her say everything she has to say to him.

"You love him, Baekhyun. Always have and always will. And I feel so jealous of that. Of how still after so long and everything that happened, it only took one glance of chanyeol for you to forget everyone else. That kind of love cannot be replaced, Baekhyun. It should not be."

"I am sorry, Hyera. I really am - no let me finish. Let me say it before I lose the courage to face you. Before it's too late. I am sorry Hyera. Please do not for a second think that I was not going to marry you. That I was not looking forward to spending my life with you. I like you. I really do. I have been nothing but honest with you. I never gave you false hope that I was in love with you but I had hoped that in future I would come to love you. Chanyeol..he -"; Baekhyun takes a moment to catch his breath and gather his emotions; "he was never part of those plans. I had forgotten him. I did. Maybe not completely because there will always be a part of me that will always remember him as my first love but I was not imagining to get back with him together, or in fact even see him and meet him."

"It is a good thing you did see him then, before we got married,'' Hyera adds, cutting him off efficiently.

Baekhyun shuts down instantly, feeling guilty and angry with himself. He never wanted to be the villain of Hyera’s life. But his life has never panned out according to his wishes. It has always thrown an odd ball at him. At this rate, Baekhyun wonders if he will get to the happy ending part of his life ever. Maybe he is not meant for it.

“I am not accusing you, Baekhyun. I have always known. So it is not completely on you. I am half to blame as well. And actually so are our families too. Your mother knew how you felt but still she forced you to marry someone else. I went with her plan too. Even though I was always aware of the risks in the back of my mind. I feared that one day you will realize, this is not how you want to live; I am not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; I knew one day Chanyeol will come back to you because he would be a fool not to.”

Baekhyun smiles even amidst the tears that glistens his eyes. How could he not fall for Hyera instead. Why did his heart choose chanyeol? Maybe if he had met her before, he would have saved himself all the heartbreak. But as life has always been to him - difficult. He fell for his best friend instead. A friend who left him behind. A friend who doesn't love him back. A friend to whom, Baekhyun means nothing. A friend who is a few feet away; only a door separating them. A friend who is behaving unlike a friend should. A friend, Baekhyun would really like to punch the daylights out for ruining his day, his life.


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *warning for language*

“Is it delicious?”.

Jongdae moans in appreciation as he licks the sauce off his fingers without looking up. He knows who that voice belongs to. The scoff he gets in response was predictable.

“I can’t believe you are enjoying the food while my life just fell apart”, Baekhyun grabs a glass of whisky from the bar counter and tries to avoid making eye contact with any of the cleaning staff.

The moment Hyera and him had come out of the room, their mothers had bombarded them with questions. Bless Hyera for handling the both mother hens as he made himself small behind her back having not to explain anything. And what could he explain of the situation he himself hardly comprehended. The wedding was called off for obvious reasons even when their mothers collectively opposed it and their fathers just avoided the drama altogether by leaving god knows where but not before targeting their pointed looks at baekhyun first. Thus, the cleaning staff who are murmuring and grumbling within themselves. 

'Great. Just fucking great.'

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. If anything, your life just got saved. And anyways it would be terrible of me to let such delicious food go to waste.”

“Oww- what was that for?”, Jongdae whines while gulping down his wine and massaging his biceps where Baekhyun just punched him quite mercilessly.

“I just remembered that this all is happening because of you fucker. What were you thinking inviting Chanyeol here? You broke my wedding.”

Jongdae knows Baekhyun is saying this without any spite. His twisted way of saying ‘thank you’, Jongdae reasons with himself.

“First of all, I didn’t break anything. Your wedding was not even finished. Secondly, Your welcome.”

The smirk that Jongdae gave Baekhyun just pisses him off further and he scoffs without gracing the other with any response.

“By the way I can’t believe that you didn’t married that dumb giant here and now. Everything was already arranged. You are wasting your money dude."

The said dumb giant is across the hall currently. Seated next to Baekhyun's father. Baekhyun snorts at the kicked puppy expression and the dropped shoulders. His father must have gone all alpha dad on the taller. 

'Good. He deserved it', baekhyun thinks to himself.

"If you think I would have forgotten all the years of pain just because of him showing that handsome face of his. Then clearly you don't know me very well."

Baekhyun does not take his eyes off of Chanyeol even when Jongdae whistles slowly next to him.

"Ooohhh. Revenge. I like that."

Baekhyun just rolls his eyes at the other's gimmick.

"It is not revenge. I am not sure about what's happening. Or what I want or what he wants for all that matters. And I -", Baekhyun lets out a tired sigh. The events of today finally catch up to him. Jongdae releasing this pats his back affectionately. "I can't suddenly go back 3 years, Jongdae and pretend everything's gonna be okay. That we can pick it up from where we left off. I don't even know if I want that anymore, I want him anymore."

"Don't be silly. You still love him", and before Baekhyun could protest Jongdae continued " but I hear you. I know where you are coming from. And honestly I would not have let you marry him even. He is my friend too but he has been an asswholr these past couple of months. He needs a lesson to be learned. And I, my friend is all up for that."

Baekhyun gives an appreciative smile to his best friend knowing that someone is there with him, having his back. He does not want revenge and honestly doesn't want to teach anyone any lessons but this time he is not gonna be a fool. He is not gonna take a back seat for Chanyeol. If they have to work, Chanyeol needs to make it clear where Baekhyun stands in his future. 

But all of that later. Right now he is gonna enjoy Chanyeol's suffering at the hands of his father.

**~FIN~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it might be an unexpected ending and is tbh an open ending sort of. I don't wanna preach something unreal. I would have never forgiven Chanyeol easily so my Baekhyun would not as well. 
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts though.  
> [ TWITTER](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu)

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu)


End file.
